Embracing the Present

It has been 10 days since I put on a pair of tennis shoes, with the intention of logging running miles. And strangely enough, I am doing A-okay. Perhaps the current weather conditions of heat, heat, & more heat… with a little humidity tossed in is making the abstinence easier. Of course, I would LOVE to just go for a run, but I am being smart & dedicated to the present conditions that life has thrown at me. The uncertainty is frustrating, but I am trying my best to push on through. After all, it’s simply running that I can’t do—I still have my health, a great life, & for that, I absolutely cannot complain! Perspective, folks.

Last Wednesday, when a run brought such intense pain {mostly my right knee}, I had many thoughts go through my head… along with a few f-bombs & other 4-letter words. My sane self pondered, “Why am I doing this?” “Why am I putting myself through run after run, with the pain never letting up?” So I stopped. And I haven’t run since. I doubt I will run for the month of July as well. But who really knows?

I pondered writing a blog post when all of this began, but decided I would wait until I had more answers. After quite a few people asked questions about my Chicago training over the last couple of days, I knew an update was in order. Likewise, I want a blog post for me to read in the future, when I am fully healthy, to remind myself to never take this great sport & a healthy body for granted. I suppose part of me too was opposed to writing a post initially, because I felt like I was a “broken record” this year with all of the complaints of pain… & who really likes a whiner?!

I may never have answers as to why I am still being tortured with the effects of the 12/31/16 moped crash. One thing is 170% certain, if I could turn back the clock, I would NEVER have ridden that damn thing! Every time I feel like I am getting back to “normal”, pain rears its’ ugly head.

My specific pain is focused on my entire right leg—the one that had the tibial plateau fracture from the crash. Back in March, before the Shamrock Half, pain in the IT-band region returned; and that has since evolved into pain in my glute, hip, calf, & outer knee. Most of April & May’s running was bearable, sometimes even just darn lovely(!); but in June, the discomfort became more pronounced. The time came when I could no longer “fake the funk” & hide the pain. Time to be transparent. The week or so before I stopped running, the pain wasn’t ONLY while running, as it had been previously. Instead, it became a mainstay of EVERYDAY life. I had been “okay” with pain during the run, as long as once the run was done, the pain was done. However, I was NOT okay with the pain affecting my walking around town with the kids or sitting at a movie with friends. And really, I am a running coach & healthcare professional—clearly I know better! What would I recommend to a client in my shoes? That was the piece of advice I needed to follow myself. There was no way training for the Chicago Marathon could continue along that sort of path. I was in pain sometimes by the 2^nd mile. How would I ever get through 26.2!!?? Clearly, something is/was not right & things needed to change.

I would guess at this point there are readers shaking their heads at my stubborn-ness. I don’t fault you for that. Some of the running despite pain was probably not smart, but I was truly trying all that I could to rehab the leg & put forth some sort of training. I have been in Physical Therapy since the beginning of May & he was not opposed to me running, so it’s not like I “went against doctor’s orders”. However, he may or may not have known the true degree of pain; hell, I am not sure I do either…. I am the chick who ran on that broken tibia so my track record proves to be poor & at a high threshold for pain. That said, I am on the “get healthy” train now, along with be smart & proactive about things! I have my whole life to run—2017 is clearly not my year to log miles.

So, before you think I am sitting home eating bon-bons all day, think again! That is so NOT my style. I am trying to “rest” while remaining “active”. I am embracing the present by doing what I can, with what is before me. PT exercises will hopefully help. Being back in the pool this last week has actually been enjoyable! I am considering upping my membership level at Pure Barre (LOVE that class!!). My occasional walks are very reflective & weekly yoga has kept me limber. And the icing on the cake has been feeling stronger—by all of the above things, as well as by returning to the Fit4Mom group, via Body Back with some of my favorite ladies! So while I have eliminated all things with impact on my knee & glute/hip, I am not being lazy by any means. My current philosophy is: if it hurts, stop; if you enjoy it, do more.

Like I mentioned before, I don’t really miss enduring long runs in this heat. I by far prefer a 20 degree day over an 80 degree day, for a run at least! So while I hope to resume running before the summer ends, I am thoroughly enjoying summer days with my boys way more, since I am not utterly exhausted every day from hot-a$$ runs. That time with Andersen & Alexander is worth so much more than any time on a race clock! And did I mention cooking & baking… yep, lots of that happening too. When I stopping running, I thought, “well if I can’t run, maybe I’ll just focus on my nutrition this summer!” Ehh, starting next week. Thanks to NOT being stressed from marathon training, I happily enjoyed a busy week of evening events all 5 nights this week, making amazing memories with friends, family, & co-workers… hence why on a Saturday night, I am grateful to be planted on my couch, typing a blog post!

The answers I hope to receive will with any luck come from this period of rest, getting stronger in my core & glutes, as well as an MRI of the glute/hip {date TBD, but ortho doc has ordered the test}. I will also see my knee ortho in the beginning of July, so he may order additional diagnostic tests to determine why the pain is persisting. I just want to do whatever it takes to feel like I used to, before that fateful day in Bermuda occurred.

In the meantime, I am just enjoying what I am able to do & hoping it can help maintain at least a portion of the endurance I have built over the last almost 8 years of running. If it doesn’t, I am fully prepared to start fresh & make new gains. Compared to having withdraw from the Shamrock Marathon training & race, I am a bazillion times more calm & composed this time around. I absolutely still plan to run {or run/walk} the Chicago Marathon in October! I know, it sounds cray-cray, but I am hopeful & optimistic. All plans for a BQ are obviously out the window; but if this year has taught me anything, pace & one silly iconic race certainly isn’t what this running thing is all about! There are a dozen local girls heading to the windy city for CHICKago & I sure don’t want to miss out on all of that fun! After all, life is an adventure, right!?

Thanks for reading! XO